Parenting Children with Complex Needs

You ask your child to turn off the TV and help with a household chore. In response, they scream, throw the remote, and accuse you of unfairness—insisting their sibling is never asked to help. When you respond defensively that their sibling is also asked to help, the situation is only heightened.

After repeated requests for your child to eat the vegetables on their plate, the tension builds, and the plate is hurled across the room. Shocked, you demand your child clean up the mess, but they refuse, further intensifying the conflict.

While working on homework, your child suddenly crumples their paper, growls that this is stupid and you're stupid, throws their books, and kicks the walls before storming off to their bedroom—ignoring your repeated calls to return and finish the task.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? 

Epic meltdowns, defiance, and unprovoked upset from a child can leave parents feeling lost and unsure how to manage.

Remember, you have a good kid, and you are good parents

Loving parents can have good kids who are having a tough time. You are doing your best amidst a challenging situation. You might feel some combination of overwhelmed, hopeless, burnt out, anxious, stressed, and disconnected from your partner. You might even feel guilt and be desperate to find a solution.

These situations are a humbling reality for some families and require compassionate, nuanced approaches to navigate effectively. Understanding the underlying causes of these behaviours can offer validation and hope. Getting support as a single parent and getting on the same team if you coparent can help strengthen bonds, introduce consistency, and build your confidence and hope to reduce the duration, intensity, or frequency of your child’s dysregulated behaviours.

You are not alone.

How Counselling Can Help

• Build connection-based parenting strategies

  Approaches like this emphasize empathy, problem-solving, and proactive communication rather than punishment or control.

• Understand the root causes of behaviours
  Many children with intense behaviours struggle with lagging skills in areas like emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, and cognitive flexibility.

• Deconstruct harmful parenting patterns
  Counselling can help parents move away from fear- or shame-based discipline and toward approaches grounded in warmth and responsiveness, which are linked to better outcomes.

• Expand their parenting toolkit
  Therapists can introduce techniques such as Parent Management Training, Emotional Focused Family Therapy, and Play, all of which are effective in improving child behaviour and parent-child relationships.

• Identify triggers and stay regulated
  Learning to recognize early warning signs and practicing co-regulation can help parents remain calm and responsive during difficult moments.

• Create a safety plan
  A well-thought-out plan can empower families to respond confidently and consistently during crises.

• Reconnect as a parenting team
  Counselling can strengthen the co-parenting relationship, fostering mutual support and shared strategies that benefit the entire family system.

The work takes time and commitment, but it can be well worth it to see a positive change in family dynamics.

Reading Corner

Consider reading or downloading the audiobook The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene as a valuable resource for understanding and supporting children who struggle with emotional and behavioral regulation.

-Written by our team member, Kathleen Krznaric.

Getting Started

If any part of this resonated, consider reaching out to our team.

Creative Horizons Counselling offers a warm, confidential space for children and families.

Book a consultation here or call us at 778-265-6383.