Teen Mental Health and the Hidden Toll of Mean Girl Aggression
You’ve probably seen (or at least heard of) the movie Mean Girls. It’s funny and quotable—but for a lot of teen girls, it’s also uncomfortably real.
Mean Girl Aggression (MGA), also known as relational aggression, is a form of emotional or social bullying. It can show up through gossip, exclusion, social manipulation, and online bullying. Much of it happens quietly and behind screens, which means adults often don’t see it happening at all.
MGA is usually covert and passive-aggressive. It’s easy for those engaging in it to deny or downplay their behaviour, leaving the person on the receiving end feeling anxious, confused, or even like they’re overreacting. Over time, these experiences can lead to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, lower grades, substance use, or withdrawal from school and activities they once loved.
If you’re a teen struggling with MGA—or a parent watching your teen go through it—know that there is help. And if you’re a parent who’s discovered that your child might be the one engaging in mean behaviour, support is available for your family too.
When Your Teen Comes to You
If your child opens up about “friend trouble,” try to really listen. It can be tempting to respond with reassurance—“it’ll work itself out,” “just stop hanging out with them,” or “I’m sure it’s not that bad.” But these phrases can make your teen feel unheard or dismissed.
Believing your child and validating their experience is the first step. Understanding what mean girl aggression looks like is the next step.
How Can We Help If We Don’t Even Know It’s Happening?
Sometimes it looks like this:
One day your teen is part of the group, and the next day, no one will talk to her, and she has no idea why.
Common signs of Mean Girl Aggression include:
Being left out of group chats or plans on purpose
Rumours being spread
Feeling like others know something they won’t tell you
Someone sharing your secrets to embarrass you
“I’m just trying to help” comments that sting
Silent treatment, being ignored, or “iced out”
Seeing social media posts from hangouts you weren’t invited to
Pressure to look, act, or dress a certain way
Comments about your body or appearance
This isn’t “just drama.” Drama is loud and obvious. MGA is quiet, calculated, and often cruel—and its effects can last for years.
The Emotional Toll
Being a target of MGA can lead to:
Constant anxiety about friendships
Feeling “not good enough”
Depression and loneliness
Difficulty trusting people later
Headaches, stress, and sleep issues
Why Do Girls Engage in Mean Girl Behaviour?
This is a complicated question, and the answer isn’t one-size-fits-all. What’s important to remember is that girls who act mean are often struggling too. Many feel insecure, jealous, or unsure where they stand in their own friend groups.
Mean girl behaviour can come from:
Fear of being left out themselves
Jealousy or insecurity
Pressure to appear popular or “in control”
Unhealthy ways of managing anger or frustration
A need for control when other parts of life feel uncertain
During the teen years, friendships can feel like everything—and sometimes, they’re used as a weapon. Most girls will find themselves in one of three roles at some point: the target, the aggressor, or the bystander, trying not to become the next target.
What Can Help
If you’re dealing with mean girl behaviour:
Remember: it’s not your fault. Their actions say more about them than about you.
Talk to someone—a parent, sibling, friend, teacher, or therapist.
Focus on what makes you you. Sports, art, music, kindness—these are your strengths.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down.
Build friendships outside of school cliques. If things get tough at school, it helps to have other parts of your life to lean on.
If you’re the one acting mean—or a parent hearing concerns about your teen’s behaviour:
You’re not a “bad person,” but your actions matter.
Ask yourself (or help your teen ask): What’s really going on? Fear? Jealousy? Control?
Call out the behaviour, not the identity (“I gossiped,” instead of “I’m mean”).
Practice empathy: How would I feel if this happened to me?
Use your influence for good. It takes far more energy to be unkind—and you’ll feel more confident and at peace when you treat others with respect.
Therapy Can Help
Friendships can feel like a maze. Therapy offers a safe space to:
Vent without judgment
Build confidence and coping skills
Learn healthy ways to handle conflict
Heal from rejection or bullying
Understand the kind of friend you want to be
You don’t have to stay stuck in the mean girl cycle. Whether you’re the one being hurt—or the one doing the hurting—change is possible. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
-Written by our team member, Kelli Gherasim, RCC
Getting Started
If any part of this resonated, consider reaching out to our team.
Creative Horizons Counselling offers a warm, confidential space for teens to provide support through this.
Ready to take the first step?
Book a consultation here or call us at 778-265-6383.